Grieving Life’s Other Goodbyes

#grief #grieving #lifeafterloss

Grief is a natural but deeply personal and complex reaction to a loss, which we commonly attribute to the result of a death. Yet, loss takes many different forms - a breakup, losing a job, drifting apart from a friend, having to leave a beloved home, or a loss of health and abilities. These experiences can be just as painful as any other, but they are often overlooked as “real” grief. In all cases, grief involves letting go of meaningful attachments that once carried our hopes and expectations. 

Perhaps you’re asking yourself, what exactly is grief, and what does it mean to grieve? It’s definitely not a “one-size-fits-all” situation. While it’s normal to feel various emotions such as anger, confusion, guilt, numbness, relief, sadness, and many other feelings (sometimes all at once), grief doesn’t exactly follow a timeline, and it certainly doesn’t happen in linear stages. These feelings may resurface at times, just as you thought you were over them. You may have waves of acceptance and denial. Everyone’s healing is unique, and it doesn’t follow a straight path. Most importantly, there’s no “right” way to grieve. 

In a culture that emphasizes moving on and quickly returning to regular life, it’s hard to even recognize that what you’re going through is grief at all. You might feel grief after the loss of a close friendship, when someone who once felt like chosen family gradually fades from your life. Relocating to a new place often brings up grief reactions when we lose our support systems and the feeling of home. Life changes you were anticipating can carry grief too, for the past version of you that you’re leaving behind. And sometimes, we mourn the things we wish had happened - dreams and goals we had to let go of. These types of losses are common parts of our lives, yet they can be invisible to others.   Without the same support networks that usually accompany the death of a loved one, you may be unsure of how to process your complex emotions, acknowledge or legitimize your loss, and allow yourself the space to heal from it. This can feel like an isolating experience, and I’m here to tell you that your pain is seen, it is valid, and that you don’t have to struggle in silence. 

John Bowlby, the father of attachment theory, says that the closer one is to another individual, the more likely they will experience grief as a result of separation. This separation does not always necessarily involve death, but it can simply mean that this attachment or emotional bond is not available anymore. The pain you’re feeling shows how deeply connected you were to the people and the experiences, and how significant the attachment was, whether or not death is involved. In all its different forms, grief is a natural response to the rupture of these meaningful connections, and it’s okay to honor the emotional weight of these changes. 

Whether your loss is recent or happened a long time ago, it’s important to allow yourself the time and space to feel whatever emotions come up. Be gentle with yourself while you’re moving through grief at your own pace. As you’re adjusting to this new reality, you don’t have to go through it alone. Connecting with a friend, a support group, or a counselor can help you start processing your feelings. If your grief starts to feel too heavy or it’s getting difficult to function in your daily life, reaching out to a mental health professional can offer a supportive and safe space to sort through your feelings.  

Hi, I'm Esra! I work with teens and adults navigating life's transitions and challenges, processing past experiences, or seeking greater self-assurance and clarity. 

I’m here to help you connect with yourself in meaningful ways and move forward with a deepened sense of direction and purpose. Call 201-749-1750 to inquire about therapy at Healing Connections Counseling Center, LLC.