College: The Land of Opportunity and Getting Out of Your Comfort Zone

#collegelife #collegebound #newbeginnings

You’re walking around a beautiful campus ready to begin a new chapter in your life: college. You see large buildings everywhere, colorful trees dancing in the wind, and students enjoying the fresh air of this new independent life. But suddenly you have a rush of overwhelming thoughts flooding your mind— how am I going to find my way around campus? Is this going to be fun? Will I be able to graduate?

College can be an exciting but also a stressful time in a person’s life. It is an opportunity for a journey of self-discovery, strengthening your mind, and expanding your connections. However, it is also a world of a lot of uncertainty, expenses, and challenges. It is the first time your life is in your hands, which is a massive adjustment and responsibility. But you’re in luck! I was in college for 7.5 years with both the experiences of a commuter and resident, and I am here to guide you during this process 😊

Tips in Managing Adjustment

Students:

I won’t be sugar coating this; there’s gonna be a lot of anxiety on starting college. But this is normal and will eventually subside after a few weeks of getting comfortable. There’s a lot you can do to ease all of your worries.

● Be resourceful: You are going to be provided a lot of resources when you first start. This includes office hours from professors, the library, academic advising, disability services, counseling, clubs to join, events to go to, RAs on duty, etc. You will not have anyone chasing you down making sure you are using these resources. College is scary but can easily be managed only if you go out of your way to seek help. There is never a stupid question to ask. Think about how much money you’re spending on school; USE EVERYTHING as if it’s the last penny you have.

● Be patient and seize the day: In all my 7 years at college, the biggest mistake I’ve seen students make is complaining about something they don’t have but not doing anything about it. You want to make a lot of friends? Go get them. You want to be involved on campus? Then go do it. Aim for the stars because opportunities will not be handed to you. So long as you keep trying, remember to be patient for the results. Life is too short to be passive and to not get what you want.

● Sit with difficult feelings: There’s gonna be a big rush of emotions you’re going to have to tolerate. You may feel sad about growing up, scared about the future, and excited about change, which is all okay. There’s no right way to feel, as you can feel all these conflicting emotions at the same time. Because of this, mental health may be a concern. This is why self-care and seeking help is critical in managing all of this. It is very important to have a good diet, get good sleep and rest, exercise, and balance school work and fun. You have college counseling, Residence Life, your professors, your friends, and family all readily available to support and listen to you

Parents:

I understand this will be a difficult transition for you also. It is very hard to send your kids off into adulthood where you may see them struggling. There is going to be a lot out of your control, but it is going to be okay.

● Don’t jump in to rescue: I am sure you can’t help but want to fix any problems your children may face. My parents have wanted to do the same for me also. When I was in graduate school for my Master’s in Counseling, I was a resident director (RD) for residence life for 3.5 years. I was the head of a freshman dorm where I enforced the school policies and handled campus emergencies. I also managed the front desk of Residence Life while being responsible for school IDs and campus door access. Therefore, I have conversed with A LOT of parents during my time as an RD. Please trust me when I tell you this—when you try to get involved right away, it is counterproductive. Parent involvement can only further complicate the issue and take more time for it to be resolved. This is because of FERPA, a policy protecting the confidentiality of students where the school can only speak to them directly. BUT EVEN IF the students opt for permission for the school to speak to their parents, I can’t tell you the amount of countless times parents have accidentally miscommunicated and made the problem so much worse where it cost them more time and money. Therefore, you save everyone a headache if you try to allow your children to deal with the problem and speak to the school directly first. Parents can absolutely be involved to support their children, but only as a last resort when necessary. You can always be there for your kids, but not jumping in teaches them life skills that will prepare them for the real world.

Commuting vs. Living on Campus

Commuters:

I commuted to campus for the first 4 years of my education to save money. If this is the choice you made, there is nothing wrong with that! I feel that there can be a stigma against commuters “not being cool” because they don’t live on campus. As a commuter, if anything I had just as much fun on campus as if I was a resident. Here’s how:

● Don’t go home right away after class: I’ve seen so many commuters go straight home when class is over and mainly worry about school and work. Although the responsibleness is admirable, where are you making time for fun? You only get to go to college once, and it is sad if all you do is only be consumed in your responsibilities. If you have the time, please stay on campus for a bit. Go to a school event, attend a sports game, visit the cafeteria, take a walk outside, etc. Don’t underestimate the fun you can have.

● Make friends who live on campus: Despite being a commuter, there is a way you can still enjoy the dorms by making friends with residents. This is a great way to make your name around school and for other students to get to know you. Even though I commuted in the beginning of college, I had plenty of people on campus know me by hanging out with a lot of residents. This is also a great outlet for fun sleepovers on the weekends or saving a day of commuting to class.

Living on Campus:

College is your first home away from home! Whether you are from a nearby town or several states away, you may feel homesick which is normal during this new life stage. Living in an unfamiliar space can be uncomfortable but there are ways to make it better:

● Make your room feel at home: Decorate your space in how you want to express yourself. Provide yourself comfort by bringing your favorite blanket, stuffed animals, pictures of loved ones, etc. from home. As an RD I’ve seen so many different rooms. When I’ve assisted students with homesickness I thought no wonder—many of them didn’t make their room alleviating. This is your first personal space EVER—you should be decorating it to its maximum potential!

● Balance time and energy between home and school: Homesickness can be difficult to tolerate at first. Whenever you feel homesick, you should manage regular contact with loved ones or visit home, they will always be there for you. Yet, it is also important you are not spending too much time and energy at home. The more you do so, the harder the homesickness will be to overcome. This is an opportunity to make a new home for yourself that you may end up loving more than your hometown. It can be a beautiful experience to have more than one home in your lifetime, don’t miss out on it.

If you are struggling or worried about college, and need to speak with a therapist, we provide both in person and virtual appointments and are in network with Blue Cross Blue Shield and Aetna. Call 201-749-1750 to make an appointment today.

Erna Buljko, LAC

Hi, I'm Erna! I work with teens & their parents and adults. My clients will experience an insightful journey of empowerment that will lead them to being more positive, self-loving, and hopeful for the future.

Click below to read more about me.