Effective Parenting Strategies for the New School Year
—Serena Garnett, LAC
As summer days wind down and a new school year begins, concurrent with new mall
clothes and perfect pens and pencils, it's normal for both teens and their parents to feel
a mix of excitement and anxiety. The shift from leisurely summer days by the lake to the
spartan structure of long school hours, peer networks, early mornings, and an
abundance of homework can be a significant adjustment for teens. It’s important for
parents to keep in mind that, much like adults face stress and challenges when starting
new jobs or routines, teens too experience setbacks as they transition back to school.
To help both you and your teen navigate this change smoothly and set a positive tone for
the year ahead, here are some practical tips to consider.
Normalize the Adjustment
First, it’s important to recognize that feeling unsettled when returning to school
is perfectly normal. Whether your teen is adjusting to a new school, adapting to a
different schedule, missing familiar classmates, juggling schoolwork with
extracurricular activities, or resetting their sleep routine, they may encounter challenges
(in fact, they almost certainly will). Acknowledge these feelings and reassure your teen
that it’s okay to face difficulties during this transition. Often, these issues will ease with
time, and letting them know that struggling a bit is part of the process can provide
comfort and encouragement. Overcoming difficulty is a major part of developing teens'
adaptability and resilience to the stressful situations they will encounter in college life
and beyond.
Use Reflective Listening
Reflective listening is a great way for parents to connect more deeply with their
teens and foster supportive conversations. Instead of jumping right into
problem-solving mode, which can sometimes feel overwhelming or dismissive, start by
truly listening to your teen’s thoughts and feelings. Reflective listening involves
paraphrasing what you hear, such as saying, "It sounds like you’re really stressed about
your upcoming test." By using reflective listening, you show your teen that you value
what they have to say and you want to understand their perspective. When teens feel
understood and valued, they are more likely to share their concerns openly, making it
easier for both of you to work together on finding solutions. Reflective listening builds
trust and helps create a collaborative environment for problem-solving.
Prioritize Sleep
I’m sure you’ve noticed a correlation between a cranky attitude for your kids and
a lack of sleep from the night before! As you know, sleep plays a crucial role in your
teens mood, academic performance, and overall well being. Work with your teens to
help establish a consistent sleep schedule, where they go to bed and wake up at
consistent times each day. Encourage them to wind down with calming activities before
bed, like reading or listening to soothing music, rather than spending time on their
phone which can disrupt their sleep schedule and quality of sleep. Parents can even
model healthy sleep routines for their kids by prioritizing sleep and putting their own
electronics away.
Manage Electronics
Teens today live in a digital world, from their smartphones to their school
appointed chromebooks. While living in the digital age surely has its benefits (amazon
prime, anyone?) full unbridled access to the internet at all times is not beneficial to
teens or their mental health. Compromise and set boundaries with your teen about
devices with clear rules for use, which can include shutting off electronics an hour before
bedtime or using parental controls to help manage screen time. Adding limits will not
only help their sleep, but also help increase focus during studying.
Encourage Positive Social Bonds
Finally, it’s essential to emphasize the importance of maintaining friendships,
especially during transitions or challenging times. Encourage your teen to stay
connected with their friends, even if it requires some creative planning on everyone's
part. Whether it’s joining school clubs, planning outings like going to the movies,
visiting an apple orchard, or simply taking walks around the neighborhood, these
activities provide valuable opportunities for positive social interactions.
Virtual hangouts, such as video calls or online game nights, are also effective
ways for your teen to stay in touch with friends outside of school. However, it's
important to stress the benefits of face-to-face socialization, beyond snapchat streaks.
By supporting your teen's social interactions, you can help your child maintain their
social connections, which can ease their adjustment to new situations and changes.
When to be Concerned
As long as teenagers can express and manage their emotions in ways that provide
relief without causing harm, they are likely regulating their feelings effectively. This is
true even if they occasionally need support from adults or seem frequently upset.
Emotional regulation involves managing and responding to your feelings in a healthy,
balanced manner. It means recognizing what you’re feeling, understanding why, and
finding constructive ways to handle those emotions. This approach doesn’t involve
suppressing or ignoring your feelings but rather finding strategies to cope with them
effectively.
So, how can you determine if it’s time to be concerned about your teen’s emotional
health? Simply, emotions should not control your teen’s life. If anxiety becomes so
overwhelming that it interferes with their ability to enjoy activities, focus on schoolwork,
or interact with friends, it might be time to seek professional help from a licensed
clinician. Similarly, teens who are consistently clouded by low moods, or who pose a risk
to themselves or others, need the support of mental health professionals.
Conclusion
Returning to school is a big transition for both parents and teens, and while it
comes with its share of challenges, it also presents opportunities for growth and
development. By supporting your teen through this time and implementing healthy
strategies, you can help them (and yourself!) navigate the back to school season with
greater confidence and success.
Additional Resources
I help teens and adults who are navigating the complexities of relationships, both with themselves and with others, to find relief from the weight of perfectionism and anxiety. Together, we create a warm and inviting atmosphere where you feel comfortable expressing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Through a blend of traditional talk therapy and creative activities like writing, music, and art, we uncover insights into the past and foster personal transformation for the future. With therapy, you can discover new ways of relating to yourself and others, paving the way for a brighter, more fulfilling future.
Call to start your therapy journey today! 201-749-1750
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